wow.. 2011... she broke up with me...

hands shaking from insomnia

mind thinking juz to find a reason to ask her not to leave.

but i cant believe she said "不如我们分手吧"

i asked her, when did u realise u dun love me? she answered, last night...

one day it took to made things from bad to worst...

i honestly say, i have a lot of gf's... ALOT! but she's the one... she's the one that is keeping me alive, she's the one that made me whole...

from what seem to be a minor problem, became worst... i am really sad....

i told her, dun leave, but she stuttered and muted.. and all she can say is "我都已经不爱你了"

every night, before going to sleep, i always asked her.. “你还爱我吗？”

she always answered “爱啦傻佬”

my mom was right... she is always right...

my mom saw her, her first reaction, she said to me ‘这女子桃花运很不定’。。

but the stubborn me, scolded my mom... because i beg to differ... as indeed i love her very much...

but, juz one night, not even one day.. she can realize she dun love me anymore...

all the things i done, all the stuffs i gave, all the time and sweat juz to see a few more minutes of her... all went into a drain... the sun is burning hot outside, but i feel cold, the walls are caving in... as if there is no place to move already.. i felt a sudden loneliness... a sudden development of hatred...

i shouldnt kept her locked up in a cage, as she wanted freedom.. but when she lied, i never knew she would lie to me that bad...

looking at her clothes on my bed as i use to sniff it and hug it every night, looking at the watch that i bought for me and her... looking at all our pics with her grin on her face.. that made me smile...

that gave me a reason to love... im crying.. for the second time...

its always the same reason "你对我太好了，我觉得自己很不好所以才分”...

even if i managed to ask her come back to me, but im sure we aint the same anymore...

my heart is aching... i never knew this day would come this fast.... i never knew i treated her so good, 101% of care... she would say i treat her too good and she feels bad...

i am in kampar, i cant directly go back kl just to see her... i dun have a car... nor money now... all i can do... is wait...

if this relationship cant be saved... i swear i wont ever find a girl that is smaller than me... even one year also i wont... i will find a same age de girl... at least they are mature enough...

cigarettes, beers, it all dont matter to me... i wont smoke or drink to ease it... but i will just stare at the phone, waiting for her to call me... hoping to get an answer...

girls always has been the same... no matter how much they love you, no matter how much they care... juz a click, it doesnt need few months, it doesnt need few years... juz one day or a few minutes is enough to change her mind.... letting her go, is hard enough.. but askin to get back together but being rejected numerous times... thats the worst... but..... i still have to say

goodbye charmaine... our chapter ends here..

ur the best.... cos u always managed to put a smile on my face....

now, i need to start smiling on my own...

till next time.....

seriously outside.....