bye charmaine

to all readers, pls! im not seeking attention or seeking pityness from anyone.. i wrote it juz because i want to find a way to let it all out... if not i would be crying away till tomorrow... ok....

2011.. what i get? i cant believe it... it came too fast... everything was normal until she broke up with me... wow.. she's the reason i smiled, she's the reason my life was perfect..she made everything right when im feeling down... i always kacau her when she look at guys... she was the reason i still continue living on.. juz to see tomorrow and to hear her voice.. but when she said ‘我觉得我不爱你’... thats the hardest part to accept..but i asked her to think properly... hopefully... i dun need to delete all the pics of me and her in fb... and change the status... but... dam! fuckin sad right now! kampar is so damn hot, but my legs and hands are shivering.. i felt cold... i felt somethin has gone missing.... can i delete this part of me? because it certainly made me cried....lookin at the clothes that i kept and i sniffed it and hug it every night, looking at the watch tat i bought juz for me and her and cos she looked cute wearing it, looking at the pics that we took, i smiled... because there is a reason for me to ask her not to leave... but she, like nothin happened.. still smiling away, like this problem doesnt exist... mom was right.. she said that once she stepped into outside world, she will realise freedom, but she cant handle it...suddenly, i feel like everything starts to fall apart... worst part is, she dun even have a lil guilty or even sad.... good job louee...

ok, i got the answer... and wow... she answered it as if it was meant to be... as if doing this is all so correct....

today, 4:47pm 21 januari 2011, i lost someone... someone that i was always close to.. someone that i always took care of... someone that i always scolded when she tend to do somethin wrong... someone i put time, effort, sweat, everything.... onto her... 19/9/09... is our first day together.. ups and downs, its like a roller-coaster ride... but it all ends well....its hard enough to find someone that u can chat whole day without hanging up the phone, its hard enough to find someone whose attitude is so damn similar with u... but i guess no fate gets me all the time...

letting you go, is hard... but the answer u gave, when i answered ur call, u without hesitation directly said" ya i made up my mind and i dun love you.... break"... the feeling...is far more worst than knowing u got a 0.1 de cgpa... cmon....

at least u shud give it a last chance.. just for the sake of us... breaking up should be a guy's job.. but why cant i always say break up? there's a reason.... because i always find new reasons to love you... its like, u wore new contact lens... u changed ur outfit, u wore new shoes, new bags, new hair... or ur attitude when talking to me is somehow cute... or maybe when u walk i shud juz carry u instead of letting you walk... this are all the reason.... but then, why cant u get the feeling back? am i that bad? am i a douche bag?

exactly 1 year 4 months and 21 days... it has been a blast.... after letting you get ur freedom, letting you go work....

i knew that it was a disaster since the beginning.... i never should have let you work there.... u tend to misunderstand the meaning of love... thats why u thought u dun love me.... but thats ok... whats done is done... i cant beg anymore even though just now i did begged u and cried like some girls watching justin bieber's concerts...

its not a happy semester for me... knowing that everywhere i go, its about u.. everywhere i eat, its the place that i fed u with my spoon.. life was perfect when i had you... nothin would go wrong and every night i would ask u the same question," u love me ma??" u would answer yes la yes la stupid...

i asked this just for the sake of letting me gettin a goodnight sleep... letting me know that i am happi for tomorrow's coming just to hear your voice again...

i guess, it was just not meant to be... the harder i try in a relationship, the bigger and deeper the fall is... its depressing... and its hurting me so damn bad...

last but not least, i hope ur happi... i hope u can find a guy that can take over my place... but i bet... its hard.. i set the bar quite high.. even though now u dun have any regrets, but sooner, u will realise who loves u, and who really cares bout u... its all past tense now... what i say, also cant repair anything...

damn it,... first time being so fucked up emo.....

wow.. 2011... she broke up with me...

hands shaking from insomnia

mind thinking juz to find a reason to ask her not to leave.

but i cant believe she said "不如我们分手吧"

i asked her, when did u realise u dun love me? she answered, last night...

one day it took to made things from bad to worst...

i honestly say, i have a lot of gf's... ALOT! but she's the one... she's the one that is keeping me alive, she's the one that made me whole...

from what seem to be a minor problem, became worst... i am really sad....

i told her, dun leave, but she stuttered and muted.. and all she can say is "我都已经不爱你了"

every night, before going to sleep, i always asked her.. “你还爱我吗？”

she always answered “爱啦傻佬”

my mom was right... she is always right...

my mom saw her, her first reaction, she said to me ‘这女子桃花运很不定’。。

but the stubborn me, scolded my mom... because i beg to differ... as indeed i love her very much...

but, juz one night, not even one day.. she can realize she dun love me anymore...

all the things i done, all the stuffs i gave, all the time and sweat juz to see a few more minutes of her... all went into a drain... the sun is burning hot outside, but i feel cold, the walls are caving in... as if there is no place to move already.. i felt a sudden loneliness... a sudden development of hatred...

i shouldnt kept her locked up in a cage, as she wanted freedom.. but when she lied, i never knew she would lie to me that bad...

looking at her clothes on my bed as i use to sniff it and hug it every night, looking at the watch that i bought for me and her... looking at all our pics with her grin on her face.. that made me smile...

that gave me a reason to love... im crying.. for the second time...

its always the same reason "你对我太好了，我觉得自己很不好所以才分”...

even if i managed to ask her come back to me, but im sure we aint the same anymore...

my heart is aching... i never knew this day would come this fast.... i never knew i treated her so good, 101% of care... she would say i treat her too good and she feels bad...

i am in kampar, i cant directly go back kl just to see her... i dun have a car... nor money now... all i can do... is wait...

if this relationship cant be saved... i swear i wont ever find a girl that is smaller than me... even one year also i wont... i will find a same age de girl... at least they are mature enough...

cigarettes, beers, it all dont matter to me... i wont smoke or drink to ease it... but i will just stare at the phone, waiting for her to call me... hoping to get an answer...

girls always has been the same... no matter how much they love you, no matter how much they care... juz a click, it doesnt need few months, it doesnt need few years... juz one day or a few minutes is enough to change her mind.... letting her go, is hard enough.. but askin to get back together but being rejected numerous times... thats the worst... but..... i still have to say

goodbye charmaine... our chapter ends here..

ur the best.... cos u always managed to put a smile on my face....

now, i need to start smiling on my own...

till next time.....

seriously outside.....

back to a new sem AGAIN!

okok. its been awhile since i had blogged... well, first, its cos of the stupid internet.. slower and slower.. how can i blog if i cant even post a picture without waiting for 20 minutes?

and ya, its cos of her... since she started to work at that stupid health check job.. everything starts to falls apart.. from a smiling, happi, joyful, cheerful type of her, she changed to a more quiet, talking in a more relax, cool way like im nothin... dun know why she will changed, hmm....

not to say im a so called small gas type of person, but when a person has a lil bit of hunch or sixth sense, somethin bad is bout to happen.. for the past few weeks, i argued with her, advice her, told her not to do this do that, everything just went into the drain... and at last i get? haha... her god damn boss... like her..

and the worst part is, she still doesnt see the real picture... even after her boss lied to her saying that he is juz joking.. come on... juz because of this i said not to stay near to him not to treat him so nice, ur mad at me? mad at me because im giving u advice?

mayb she juz haven grew up yet, mayb she isnt mature enuff... cant think thoroughly...

im trying so hard to pull this relationship back to the way it was... but, sometimes, i feel like its worthless... its like im loving my ownself.. haha!!

mom is right, mom is always right... at school is puppy love, but when a girl starts to go out to face the society, thats the biggest challenge... thats the part that u will see the true side of the girl.. but for me, im giving up finding another person.. i juz hope, she might wake up from being like this and starts to be a better gf... i juz hope.....

nah! there's no hope in life.... everything happens because people makes it happen...

for some reason, i blogged this so that i could release some stress some anger that i cant let out....

its 5:45, yet she dun even need her lunch break... wow.. i really dun understand... from 10 till 6? its about 9 hours.... can a person stand without eating tat long?

oh well, im not gonna waste anymore time thinkin wat to write and whats not... everything happens for a reason... let it be...

till next time, i guessed...

LOUEE OUTSIDE BITCH!

im back!

oh yeah!! its time to blog again!!!=)

sorri for the long long unblogged days... i guess no viewers dy gua... haha... talk to myself lur like tat...

ok first things first!! exams are OVER! yes!! but then leh... heres the stats for my exam result... i forecast de la...

erm, qt2= c+, crm= gg, negotiation skills= c+ , logistic management= c-

haha... i hope this is just a forecast la har... wish me luck......

so this are the pics i took when i was .. u noe... "busy"...

i am still in training using colour splash!=) erm, see the highlighter ma?=p hehe.....

seriously, when havin exams, the best way to study:-

step 1= get a highlighter

step 2= buy redbull , teh ais, or teh o ais....

step 3= friends! u need friends to talk with, to release stress and study together.. although it will end up 20%study and 80% talking... haha...

step 4= ur notes!!! and ur done!!! hahaa....

the second pic i took... when my fren was filling up his car....

u see the bald guy? thats a monk!! DRIVING!!!! wooohoo!!!

sam said : where he wanna go? THE SHAOLIN TEMPLE!!!! hahahahahah EPIC!!!

the day b4 my last exam, 19/09/10 of my exam. we went to pizza hut... hmm.... we ate like cavemens.... like people from very very remoted area..... haha... all eating like " wah 很好吃！"

"诶！！！ 不要拿我的！！！！" 哈哈。。。。。 good times good times...=)

theres part 2 of my blog!!=) not yet louee outside mudafuker YET!

new post on 20TH september

guys, i will have a new post on 20th september! now having the finals! gonna shit in my pants!!!!

add oil to whoever taking exams!!! exams are tough, so.... remember to drink RED BULL!!! and of cos get plenty of rest!!=)

till 20th september!!!!! we meet again!!!!!!

LOUEE OUTSIDE MUDAFUKER!!!!!

argh!! where the hell is my blog mood!

i guess i am not like those people always blog and always come out with good blog topic.. haha...

oh well.. but then hor.. today got some few things to say.....

1st, me and some of my frens went for basketball... at 2 am... we are the champion!!! haha!!! early dao bao!!!

i feel like im living in america or some sort... cos my time terbalik d... wtf..!

2nd, i seriously hope i can get my iphone.... i will die if i cant get it... =(

no pics though.. cos... seriously.. nothin to blog about.... wait la.. hah....:p

till next time! louee outside mudafuker!!!!!!!!!!!

happi bday to ah ru......

wow.... long time din blog... haha...!! guess u guys d stop viewing my blog...=(

haiz... oh well... talk to myself also ok de la..

er, first of all.. juz finished exam.... 2 exam to be precise... hard dao bao!!!! gonna blow!! scared the shit out of me... really shit ..hahah...

er, but still boleh tahan.....

second is, ah ru bday...=)

we cant find a cake shop cos all close d... me and rain.. haiz... duo duo yeh go and play snooker till 11...== so instead, we bought muffins...=) nice dao!!! haha

ah ru la tat one..

rain's gf... quennie.. leg small wear big big slippers..==

so, anyhow.... resting mode.. cos finish exam.... next week last one,.. qt2.... oh my god!!! scared of it!!! failed it once!!

no more second!!!

add oil for those who havin exam..=) if u guys still got read my blog.. rate it la... haha.. i wan some feedback.. so tat i know my blog stil can continue.. if not.. gonna closee it lor if no one view it de hua...='(

rate it at the finishing of my post there.... aiya.. i dun noe how to say... the downstair part...haha!

so!!! till next time.. LOUEE OUTSIDE MUDAFUKER!!!+)